What is it about your Senior year in high school that forces a body to suddenly be completely obligated to participate in every single thing possible, whether it's worth it or not. Take Prom for example. Why? It's just a dance where people spend hundreds of dollars for a night most of them don't remember anyway. Anyway, I would have no one to go with. I just like being relaxed and not worrying about what everyone else is doing.
Senior Portraits is another one. It's just a picture, and to be honest, I am not real photogenic, and I just don't want to have another embarrassing school picture. Plus, the nearest studio is almost an hour away. Mom was complaining about the inconvenience, and yet, she is so impassioned about this picture. It's expensive, and . . .

I think I'm just bitter. Frankly I'm on the verge of tears about it right now.
Taylor didn't ask me to prom, why am I so torn up over that? I have myself so convinced that these things are ridiculous, that I can't even see that it's only because if I don't try I don't fail. If I don't get dressed up for prom, I won't NOT be the ugliest one there. And I don't have to think about if a boy likes me because, I won't need a date to a dance that I refuse to attend because I'm above it. I won't take a picture because I'm worried I might look bad?
Mom thinks that I think that she's the enemy. She's not. I'm just really frustrated, and so sick and tired of high school I guess. Plus, I'm vulnerable. Just like any girl I too am susceptible to feelings of self-consciousness and self-doubt. I'm just better at hiding it I guess. It's been a long hard time for me this past year almost, particularly the past few months. I've gotten better, but . . . the problem is that I don't know what the problem is.
I'm ready to break out of my shell and let that raw skin get some air.
I do have an appointment for my portraits, but I still don't know if I'm going to prom. It's not that I hate high school, but I just need a little change. I'm getting restless, and I just gotta get some fresh air. Outside of Monrovia. I need some new territory to trek and figure out. I'm getting too comfortable and stifled. well