this ends it all . . .

i have been a wee pathetic lately . . . in the kitchen (and perhaps in other areas, but that's another post entirely.)

i feel like i lost the ambition that winter semester held for me. this always seems to happen, summer comes along and everyone's thrilled, and i get to pull out my new sunglasses, and then i remember . . . i'm not great with summer.

i like dressing in layers and donning a hat when i should've just showered and watching everyone hustle along in the cold. i like to let stews simmer and crowd around the stovetop and such.

simple dresses + sandals, thrown together salads, lounging in the sun - far far too simple and thoughtless for me.

anyhow, i've had trouble pulling together legitimate and summery meals, and when i don't go to the store, it's just trouble. as appetizing as pulling dry lentils down from the top shelf and waiting around for them to boil while the sun is shining sounds . . . it just doesn't feel right.

this weekend was particularly sad. i felt too non-chalant to be really ambitious (which ends up feeling contradictory anyhow in the summer lethargy,) and had an empty refrigerator. so yes, i ate pretty poorly. but today was the summit of sadness: no breakfast, studying with just water, and then

. . . i came home and ate the snickers protein bar that i got for free at the run this weekend, with every intention of it counting as a meal.

but there's hope. with only three and half days left til going home (eek - both in excitement and terror, classes are over, but that means tests and reconciliation for the aforementioned non-chalance that has permeated into my school work as well) i'm planning on being very diligent and slightly indulgent as i go grocery shopping . . . for the next three and a half days.