all i want . . .

i've been a little preoccupied as of late - sure (ahem) with classes and work. no, not really {though philosophy is sure stimulating/mind-boggling, but really, isn't that THE perfect combination for education . . . it should be. regardless.}

nope nope, i want to - go big - sort of. i want to buy a gorgeous camera and take photos of people/things and do some incredible styling; i want to fully stock my kitchen so i can make macarons, and complicated pastry dishes, and throw elaborate dinner parties; i want to live near a fresh market or a fromagerie or a boulangerie (or a patisserie, sure); i want to take big trips and see big cities and inevitably take shmancy photos of me in front of essential national monuments; i want to scour ebay and flea markets and thrift stores for stellar finds to outfit my big loft in the middle of - someplace; i want to create beautiful music and be the lead singer in a jazz group; i want to own some sweet vintage car that is clean with functioning windows and moderately good soundsystem with an engine that roars a bit; i want to grow a grand garden and deck out a wrap around back porch in the summertime; i want to waltz around wearing lovely clothes in sunny weather with a really really nice haircut.

is that enough? i don't know from whence this is all coming {maybe from my recent awkward placement of prepositions; i've gotten obsessed with not ending my sentences with them, and it's churned out some rather awkward sentences, oh well} but i've been letting my eyes wander and settle on the nicest niceties of other people's lives . . . i know i ought not, but there's so much great stuff out there, and i like it, so sue me eh?

i think that to an extent i want to "be a grown-up." this is a very illogical argument for several reasons, let me expound upon them:
1* i am kind of a grown up; i live by myself, work, go grocery shopping, cook my own meals, do my own laundry etc. doesn't this mean you're a grown up? so i should be able to take more control and just spruce up my life a bit eh?
2* i should enjoy not fully being a grown because a- my parents are still helpin' me out {though sometimes i think they always will be} and b- i'm thinkin' that i ought to enjoy the more limited responsibilites that i have at this point in my life.
3* what would peter pan think of me? i mean really.

also, i would like to be a runner. not even a "runner" really, i just want to make it through the 5k i'm signed up for. aw gee. i'm saying thi mostly because i'm maybe still in my pj's and maybe have only eaten graham crackers, soy milk, peanut butter and almonds so far today. {on a side note, did you know that graham crackers "melt" MUCH more slowly in soy milk than in regular milk? weird}

well, i think that's enough rambling from a slouched position on my bed for today. i'm off.

and now a message from conan:
*also, i'd like to bring petticoats back, just sayin'.