summer chronicles: i feel so much better than before.

Truly. I had moments of cursing mostly myself, and I did break down a little while disconnecting the mop head, no matter. It was better. In fact I practically skipped home. I was close to quitting. Dangerously close. I also mused and schemed about scoring a job that would whisk me far far away from the Wilkinson center and soggy socks. I still may go on the lookout, but I feel more settled. I confess I feel more of a social obligation to stay than anything. I would be letting down mes amies if I left, so won't . . . at least for now.

The thing that got me through the night was singing. Truly. In the trash . . . place, it was just me and my baby (my baby and me) and the hose, and so I sang - loudly, and without any reservations at all. How I've missed singing! Every care flitted away. It was as if each moment I was singing opened me up a little and let my anxieties seep away. I hit up a wide repertoire covering Legally Blonde (hence the title) Last 5 years, Wicked, Unexpected Song and Dance, Ragtime, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Little Women, Beauty and the Beast! I loved it. I loved it. I've forgotten what singing means to me. How much a part of being Rachel it truly is. I'm Rachel, I sing. I've hidden it up, stored it away, barely let it see the light of day here. So sad. My parents spent so much for me to sing like I do, and the only exposure that my voice really gets is a little streak of freedom on Sundays in lame melodies where I have to stay quiet and reserved and emotionless. But then, in the far and dark reaches of the Wilkinson Center I return to my former glory, and confidence. I think I was worried I'd lost it. Worried that I'd never really been a singer. But there's hope. Granted, I haven't sung in quite a while, and I'm rusty, but I'm so glad to have collected a little part of me back to where it needs to be.

So there's that.

And tomorrow at work, I'll probably only be there for about an hour because we've gone over so much. Woot! Okay, well, tomorrow is my last day in the morning for a week, and I need to talk to my photo lover. I don't know how it's going to happen, but I just gotta.

jusqu'a demain.

~R