Sometimes all I can do

is write. I get so many emotions raging around and they've got to come flowing out my fingertips. I am at work, it's true. And one thing that I love about the bookstore is that so many people pass through, especially when I'm here. It's great. And today I had the distinct privilege of meeting Mr. Nielsen, Stephanie Nielsen's husband from the nieniedialogues. Their whole family was here, and after directing them to the "Y" stickers, I decided that I needed to say something. I couldn't see Stephanie, so i went up to Mr. Nielsen and told him that I checked his wife's blog and that I was thinking about them, and that I bought a vaNIElla cupcake. Looking back I feel silly at how uncomfortable I must have seemed with incessant shoulder shrugs and attempts at expressing how emotional I felt about the whole situation. He was very gracious. He said he'd tell Stephanie, and he asked my name, and said it was good to meet me, and was so genteel. And by the way, he is smokin'. What a stud, he looks great.

What amazed me was that they were real people. I mean I always knew that, but I saw them, here, I talked to them. What they went through changed their lives, and I vicariously have felt of the difficulty and have been truly affected by all that they've done, and all they stand for. Stephanie is inspiring. I called my mom to talk to her about it (i had to) and she asked how she looked. I saw very little, but she looks . . . different than her old self, obviously, and you can tell that she's had skin grafts over 80% of her body (that stat may be wrong, forgive me, but still so dramatic) but she looked good. She was looked cute, and like she was living a normal life; looking at children's books with her kids and hanging out with her hottie husband.

At first I really wanted to talk to her, and tell her how inspiring she is, but looking back I'm a little glad that I didn't talk to her. First of all, I probably would have started bawling, I'm on the verge of tears now, and also, I would have felt bad. I'm a naturally curious person, unafraid of unabashed people watching. This combination could have been bad talking to someone whose face has been transformed by burn scars. I can't imagine what she goes through. Besides the pain and emotional trauma, just going out in public would be difficult. Looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing someone else - better or worse - would be strange, but . . . I can't even imagine. I felt almost bad at the idea being a normal person. I am so grateful for all I have, and I'm not assuming that that blessed family would be bitter or anything, but . . . I am so blessed, and I guess I just wish I could relate somehow. Empathy can sometimes be difficult when you have no idea what the person is actually going through. I've caught a mere glimpse at a shadow of their life, and I just wish there was more I could do than eat cupcakes. But for now, that and helping them find a sticker, may be all I can do right now.

{on a wholly unrelated note, john bytheway called this desk earlier today. i wasn't here. oh well.}