some good (expensive) lessons learned.

I'll go into detail later, but I need to pause for a bit to take an emotional breather. One event should not send anybody spiraling into a cycle of self- deprecation. Right? Even when (and maybe especially when the catalyst cost only 20 dollars.)

But it's more than that. I have made myself into such a fool. All those simple things that all people with a mild dose of common sense are able to avoid, I have flipped over for. Bleh. Frankly, common sense was never my greatest strength. Things always worked out so well in my head, but when it came time to actual execution, there seemed to be too many obstacles that got into my way.

Anyway, I will stop smacking myself for being human. That's reasonable I suppose, but I think I've always held myself to a higher standard than most. Everyone else could get away with parking tickets and overdraft fees and late fees and credit card scams, and burnt batches of graham crackers, and waking up so late, but not me. Well, it would appear I am not immune. I am human . . . who'da thought?

I have learned so much this summer. I have just eight weeks left from today. I can't possibly learn everything by then, but I'm definitely learning more than I ever have . . . life lessons, lessons that I never was in the position to learn necessarily, until now. I suppose I need this. I know I do. And more importantly I need to learn how to respond to these self-imposed lessons. I can't go reeling crazy at the first hint of inadequacy. No siree. I read yesterday that miserable people dwell on their mistakes while happy people acknowledge them, glean the lesson, and move on. I don't want to be miserable, so I'm going to deal and move on. And I refuse to find solace in the vicarious happenings of people that appear more content/fulfilled/satisfied in their lives than me. No movie, or youtube video or blog is going to make me situation any more satisfactory. I'm convinced satisfaction is a choice. We do stupid things. I do stupid things . . . often and in grand scale. And I get frustrated. But I will be happy. I will dwell (have dwelt) and I'm feeling ready to pay up and move on. Oh, move on.