I'm feeling calmer just letting this thread go, but really, it's an elusive and sometimes depressing issue. I had so many great plans, things were going to work and I well, I was going to work, and everything was going to fit snugly into place, but again - the inevitable . . . NOT!
Anyway, I'm grateful for kind and supportive parents who will overlook my failings and still congratulate me on my "good (failed) work."
Worst of all, I was going to prove to myself that I could do all of this and . . . well . . . that didn't really work out. Usually my emotions are held very well on their little emotive-leash and I can reign them in or let them out at will. But, there are some exceptions where suddenly I am startled by the fact that my stomach is in knots and I'm feeling slightly woozy. Come again? Oh yes, I'm terribly nervous and frightened over what I have to do this evening etc. etc.
And so, this anxiety man - what a surprise. I'm looking over job websites (2 in fact) and noticing it's slim pickings and that I do not have a letter of recommendation like I should, and suddenly I stop and take a deep breath trying to calm the writhing in my gut. Be calm. There is always hope, and for that I am deeply deeply grateful. I mean really, I have the use of my legs, I have a job, and most of all I have a loving family (emphasis upon the heads of said family) who love me and will always encourage me and support me in my wild whims that I don't necessarily deserve.
So, I will do what I know I should and try and maintain the stamina that I have kept up for some time now. Yeah, that whole bit about enduring to the end, oh-so-mildly applies to this circumstance I daresay.
Anyway, I'm feeling better. A little. Silly emotions. I suppose I will simply have to whip out my lasso, catch my anxieties in a loop and take them for a joy ride to distract them with happier things . . . like a jog to DI, stretch in the park, and a soccer game with lots of hotties where I'm the #1 fan. Oh yes oh yes.
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