plight¹

plīt/

noun

a dangerous, difficult, or otherwise unfortunate situation.

i keep thinking about this. i can't stop thinking about it. women; who are we, what are we doing, where are we going, what is going on? and maybe it's more just, woman; who am i, what am i doing, where am i going, what is going on? this feels like more than just post-grad-syndrome (though that's certainly not helping any), but maybe it's more along the lines of this quote (and it uses the "f" word*, so beware):

The Feminists did not look . . . far [enough] ahead; they laid down no rules of conduct. For them it was enough to demand the privileges. . . . And [so] woman today is still searching. We are aware of our hunger and needs, but still ignorant of what will satisfy them. With our garnered free time, we are more apt to drain our creative springs than to refill them. With our pitchers [in hand], we attempt . . . to water a field, [instead of] a garden. We throw ourselves indiscriminately into committees and causes. Not knowing how to feed the spirit, we try to muffle its demands in distractions. Instead of stilling the center, the axis of the wheel, we add more centrifugal activities to our lives—which tend to throw us [yet more] off balance.

Mechanically we have gained, in the last generation, but spiritually we have . . . lost. 

[For women] the problem is [still] how to feed the soul.

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift From the Sea (via this talk)

*feminist.

i feel this so strongly. i want to give and make a difference, but sometimes i find i'm on empty, and then, how can i possibly think about spending more time away from things that matter most

i keep seeking out these books on "homesteaders" and i read so ravenously, despite having deep resistance to some aspects of their lives. i have devoured the "makers" documentaries, trying to find my place between the radicals and those who don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation. i'm trying so hard to lay my personal groundwork, to formulate opinions so that i can make informed decisions about the future, but it's difficult. maybe "plight" is an extreme word, but maybe it's not. maybe the potential for impact on everything else in life makes the situation feel "dangerous," (due to high risk of failure, disappointment, sadness).

the greatest takeaway i've realized from all these sources is that it's a personal choice. what makes me crazy may be the solace of another. but it's a rather long trek anyway.